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Partnering, Advocating & Supporting My Autistic Child at School

This workshop is a conversation designed to support parents and caregivers of autistic children. Through shared discussion and examples, we will explore how families can communicate effectively with school teams, understand roles and responsibilities, and advocate for meaningful supports, while maintaining positive relationships and staying well.

Please Scan the QR code to access this presentation

By Rute Mendes / Coordinator of Student Services, St. James–Assiniboia School Division

Lois Brothers/ Family Advocacy & Engagement Facilitator, Inclusion Winnipeg


Our Goal Today

We want families to leave feeling confident and inspired to support their autistic child at school. Navigating the school system can feel isolating and confusing, but it doesn't have to be that way. Today's session is designed to give you concrete tools, language, and strategies that you can use immediately, whether you're preparing for your first IEP meeting or navigating a challenging situation that's been ongoing for months.

1

Practical Questions

Questions you can ask in school meetings to get clarity and move forward

2

Collaboration Strategies

Ways to strengthen your partnership with educators while staying true to your child's needs

3

Advocacy Tools

Approaches for advocating effectively without damaging important relationships

4

Wellbeing Reminders

Strategies for protecting your emotional energy throughout the advocacy journey

Shifting Perspective

Instead of feeling confused, frustrated, and overwhelmed, families deserve to feel empowered, peaceful, and confident.

Guiding Questions

  • When you think about advocating for your child, what emotions come up?
  • Do you ever feel like you had to become an "expert overnight"?
  • What does staying well mean to you as a parent?

Key Beliefs: You Have Rights

You have the right to know what your child is doing at school.

You have the right to be part of planning your child's education and educational programming.

Your voice matters, because

you know your child best.

Your role on the team

Core Team = Student + Parent(s)/Guardian(s) + Teacher(s)

Levels of Support

As needs grow, the In‑School Team (principal, resource teacher, counsellor, EA) and School Support Team (clinicians like SLP/OT/PT/psychology, social work, community partners) collaborate.

A Case Manager coordinates meetings, minutes, and follow‑up.

Voice & Choice Checklist

  • Ask who will be at the meeting and the purpose
  • Bring a support person if you wish
  • Share your child's interests, strengths, culture, and goals
  • Bring examples: work samples, strategies that help at home
  • Ask how progress will be measured and how you'll receive updates
  • Confirm who to contact between meetings (case manager)

1 - What Do You Want for Your Child?

When meetings feel emotional or stressful, a clear vision keeps conversations focused. Before entering any advocacy situation, take time to clarify what you truly want for your child. This isn't about unrealistic expectations, it's about naming the core values and experiences that matter most. Your vision becomes your compass when discussions get complicated or overwhelming. Parents often want similar things for their children, regardless of diagnosis or support needs. These fundamental hopes transcend specific accommodations or services. They reflect what every child deserves in an educational environment.

Friendships

Inclusion

Safety

Belonging

Engagement

Meaningful Learning

2 - What Do I Want Them to Know About My Child?"

Your child will have many teachers and staff members. Sharing a clear snapshot early prevents misunderstandings.


Suggested Topics to Share strengths & interests

  • communication style
  • sensory needs
  • triggers and early signs of distress
  • what helps regulation
  • what success looks like


Quick Template: Use tone of the frameworks bellow to create a one-page profile that can be shared with new teachers, educational assistants, and support staff throughout the year.


My child does best when…

Signs they are overwhelmed include…

Helpful supports include…

3 - Communication Styles Matter

Miscommunication often happens because people communicate differently, especially under stress. Understanding your own communication style and recognizing others' styles can prevent conflict and improve collaboration. There's no "wrong" style, but awareness helps you adapt your approach to build stronger connections with educators who may communicate very differently than you do.

Advocacy-Oriented

Direct and solution-focused. Gets to the point quickly and expects clear action plans.

Collaborative

Team approach. Values consensus-building and wants everyone's input before decisions.

Expressive

Emotion and story-based. Shares context, feelings, and background to help others understand.

Passive

Hesitant, apologetic. May avoid conflict or struggle to assert needs clearly.

4 - What to Say: Advocacy Without Conflict

Clear, respectful language builds trust while still being firm. You can be assertive without being aggressive. You can ask hard questions without damaging relationships. The key is using language that invites collaboration while making your expectations clear. These scripts help you advocate powerfully while maintaining the partnerships your child needs.

Partnership Language

"I want to partner with you. Can we agree on one next step and a check-in date?"

Clarifying Questions

"What are you seeing at school, and what patterns have you noticed?"

Support Inquiry

"What supports are currently in place, and what can we add?"

Accountability Check

"Who is responsible for what, and when will we review progress?"

Escalation Path

"If we can't resolve this here, what is the next step in the process?"

5 - Ask for Clarification: Become a Detective

When educators use vague language, they're often trying to describe complex situations quickly, but vague language doesn't help you understand what's really happening or how to support your child. Your job is to ask follow-up questions that paint a clear, specific picture. Think of yourself as a detective gathering evidence, not to blame anyone, but to truly understand the situation.

Common Vague Statements

  • "Your child is acting out."
  • "Your child is anxious."
  • "Your child is a challenge."
  • "Your child doesn't listen."

These statements might be true, but they don't tell you what you need to know. Without specifics, you can't identify patterns, suggest solutions, or know if the school's response is appropriate.

Better Questions to Ask

  • What happened exactly? (Get the specific behavior or incident)
  • When and where did it happen? (Time of day, location, activity)
  • What happened right before? (Possible triggers or context)
  • What happened after? (How did adults respond? How did your child respond?)
  • What helped them recover? (Which strategies worked?)
  • Is there a pattern? (Does this happen regularly under certain conditions?)

6 - A Good Meeting Ends With a Clear Plan

A successful meeting is one where everyone leaves knowing what the plan is, what the next step is, who is responsible, and when the team will review progress. Without these four elements, even a positive conversation can lead to frustration and inaction.

1

Define the Plan

What specific supports, accommodations, or changes are we implementing?

2

Identify Next Steps

What is the immediate action someone needs to take? Is it a phone call, an observation, a document to create?

3

Assign Responsibility

Who is doing what? Get names. If multiple people share a task, clarify who is coordinating.

4

Set Review Date

When will we check in on progress? Schedule it before leaving. A specific date creates accountability.

7 - Keeping Notes Helps Everyone Stay Clear

Documentation is not about blame. It is about clarity and accountability. When you document conversations, agreements, and incidents, you create a record that protects everyone.

Emails

Keep all email correspondence organized in folders by school year or topic.

Meeting Notes

Take notes during meetings or ask if someone else is taking official minutes.

Agreed Next Steps

Document what was promised, by whom, and by when.

Follow-Up Timelines

Note when you should expect updates or when you'll check back in.

8 - When Collaboration Breaks Down

Sometimes things don't improve despite your best efforts. Plans aren't implemented, communication breaks down, or you feel your concerns aren't being heard. This doesn't mean you've failed, it means you need a different approach or a different person at the table.


Before Escalating, Ask:

  • What have we tried so far?
  • What has changed, and what hasn't?
  • What specific support is missing?
  • Who else needs to be at the table to solve this?

External Supports

Organizations like Inclusion Winnipeg offer advocacy support, helping families navigate complex situations and understand their options. You don't have to do this alone.

9 - Transitions are Challenging

Transitions are a high-stress moment for autistic children. Moving from elementary to middle school, changing schools due to relocation, or starting kindergarten all require careful planning. Planning ahead reduces anxiety and improves outcomes. The more information the new team has before day one, the smoother the transition will be for your child.


1
1

Meet teacher and principal early

2
2

Visit the school (if possible)

3
3

Share "My Child at a Glance" profile

4
4

Confirm supports and routines

5
5

Ensure plan transfers to the new team

6
6

Include student voice when appropriate

Click on the image beside this text to download the Early Childhood Transition to School Protocol for Children with Additional Support Needs, which outlines research-based processes, clear timelines, partner responsibilities, and key best practices for effective and collaborative transition planning.


10 - Staying Well While Advocating

Advocacy is emotional labor. It requires research, preparation, difficult conversations, and persistence. Parents cannot pour from an empty cup. Protecting your own wellbeing isn't selfish, it's necessary.

What Is Emotionally Exhausting?

What is emotionally exhausting about advocacy that people don't talk about enough? The constant need to educate others. The fear of being seen as "difficult." The guilt when you can't attend every meeting. The grief of watching your child struggle. Name these realities without shame.

What Boundaries may Help?

What boundaries help you protect your energy? Maybe it's limiting email checking to certain times. Maybe it's asking your partner to handle the next school call. Maybe it's saying no to volunteering this year so you have capacity for advocacy.

One Small Step

What is one small step you can take this week? Not a complete system overhaul, just one achievable action.

You are not alone. Advocacy can be calm. Progress can be small and still meaningful.

Thank You!

Share one takeaway you are leaving with today. What will you do differently or what insight resonated most with you?

Write it down or scan the QR code to share: